Just write

“If something inside you is real, we will probably find it interesting, and it will probably be universal.  So you must risk placing real emotion at the center of your work.  Write straight into the emotional center of things.  Write toward vulnerability.  Worry about being unavailable; worry about being absent or fraudulent.  Risk being unliked.  Tell the truth as you understand it.  If you’re a writer, you have a moral obligation to do this.  And it is a revolutionary act–truth is always subversive.” -Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird

*****

Why do I keep this blog?  Why do I write?

I write because:

It frees me.  I am allowed to be myself.  I am allowed to be whomever I want to be.  For the first two years of this blog The Editor regularly whispered in my ear, “Don’t write that.  What will people think?”  The Editor has since disappeared from my consciousness, leaving me more free than ever.

It relaxes me.  Others run or cook or do that really hot yoga.  I write.

I enjoy it.  “Having written” and “writing” both.

My mommy brain needs exercise.

I want to be useful.

I have things to say.

I have thoughts itching to be processed and organized.

I can do it and the outside world doesn’t have to know how good or bad at it I am unless I let them.

Maybe someday someone somewhere will pay me to do it.

When the house is quiet, aside from Scout’s deep breaths, Ted’s lapping at the water dish, and the scratching of a ballpoint pen or the clicking of computer keys, all seems right in my life.

I want to remember what my life was like–what I was like, how I felt, how others acted and reacted, how I’ll never be able to go back there again.

In the 4am darkness I am reminded that in my 7th grade autobiography I detailed my “realistic” future as including being a published author.  When I clear the cobwebs from my mind–the uncertainty, the laziness, the feelings of insufficiency–I find it is a dream I’ve held for many years.

“So my advice is this: don’t worry about marketing or gimmicks or self promotion, just write. Everyday, write. Show up for yourself. That’s where the magic is. Your people will find you.” -Momastery

*****

“If you build it he will come.”  -Field of Dreams

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4 thoughts on “Just write

  1. I also enjoy both writing and having written, although I think I enjoy the latter more. (My husband and I also joke that we like having traveled, not so much the actually *doing* of the travel with the three Agents.) And Anne Lamott rocks. Love the quote.

    1. You’re so right about having traveled! We haven’t really traveled with the kids, but even when it was just the two of us I often liked having done it more than actually doing it. It can be such work even without kids.

  2. Lovely. Just lovely. Thanks.

    It’s funny, that’s exactly where I’m at right now. I just need to write to regain some of me. To get in touch with myself and to give a purpose to my day, and it makes being a full time self-less mum more worthwhile. I seem to enjoy the manic moments more when I have a narrative in my head, thinking I might write about this. I feel calmer, more distant to their craziness, which means I can hold/guard myself better, not losing myself as they lose their heads into meltdown. I think in time this will make me a better mum.

    Ooo better go, got two screamers needing me…!
    xx

    1. I have a narrative running through my head a lot of the time, too! Then I totally forget what it was when I get a chance to write it down. I hope you keep up your blog–I’m definitely a fan so far!

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